Respect your friends, create an FRM (Season 1 - Post 11)

Respect your friends, create an FRM

The other day, I looked at my phone and was horrified to realize it had been 18 months since I last spoke to a once very dear friend. It’s a sinking feeling. It made me wonder: “How can we avoid drifting apart from friends?” and “What factors influence the strength of our relationships?”

Since I’m a geek we’ll start by breaking down the key elements that shape our friendships:

• \(T_i\): The time (\(T\)) we spend together in any given interaction (\(i\)).
• \(Q_i\): The quality (\(Q\)) of that time in any given interaction (\(i\)).
• \(t\): The time elapsed since our last meeting.
• \(d\): A small decay factor representing how quickly the quality of friendship deteriorates over time.

Using these parameters, we can create a formula to quantify the quality of friendship (\(F\)):

\[ F=\frac{\sum_{i} (T_i \times Q_i)}{1 + d \times t} \]

This formula shows that to maintain high friendship quality, we need to spend meaningful time together regularly. In other words, \(F\) is high, if \(T\) is high and \(Q\) is high

This means we should have many interactions (\(i\)), spend ample time together during these interactions (\(T\)) and ensure that our interactions are meaningful and qualitative (\(Q\)). Intuitively, we already know this.

However, life often gets in the way. We juggle work, family, and other commitments, and before we know it, weeks or even months have passed without any contact (\(t\) increases). The longer we go without connecting, the more our friendships deteriorate, especially if they’re not particularly strong to begin with (large deterioration factor \(d\)). This highlights the need for regular contact that matches the strength of our friendship.

Managing friendships isn’t rocket science! We use sophisticated systems to track work tasks, so why not apply a similar approach to our personal lives? It doesn’t have to be so hard.

Enter the Customer Relationship Management System (CRM). Think of your friends as valued customers and your friendship as a continuous business relationship. The joy you feel from sustained friendships is akin to positive cashflow from keeping your customers happy. Treat your most important friends like key accounts. Implement a Friend Relationship Management System (FRM) to keep track of your friendships.

Here’s a design proposal. Don’t overdo it. Keep track of the simple things.

Table 1: Friends

• Name
• Last Contacted (Lookup Latest Date from Table 2: Interactions)
• Ideal interaction frequency
  • Weekly
  • (Optional: Biweekly)
  • Monthly
  • Quarterly
  • Semiannual
• Ideal next interaction date (Last contacted + Ideal Interaction frequency)
• [Optional: List of Interaction Files (Linked to Table 2: Interactions)]
• [Optional: List of Interactions]

Table 2: Interactions

• [Optional: Interaction File]
• Name (Linked to Table 1: Friends)
• Interaction Date

Give your friendships the respect they deserve. Start an FRM today and watch your business thrive. Ehm, I mean your friendships. Watch them thrive!

Tip

Other interesting resources that helped shape the ideas in this post:

• Spaced Repetition - Herman Ebbinghaus
  • https://ncase.me/remember/
• Odd types of friendships
  • https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/10-types-odd-friendships-youre-probably-part.html
• Unreasonable Hospitality
  • https://www.amazon.com/Unreasonable-Hospitality-Remarkable-Giving-People/dp/0593418573